Verborragia inútil (english version) y otras notas de papeles amarillos*

I wish I could free myself from feeling this torrent of encountered feelings. Feelings that make me wish I'd never known you. Feelings of being aware that if I'd never done it, too many things would still be corrupted and lost and wasted.

You gave me back a light inside of me that I had eagerly turned off since ages before I knew you, when I had become a do-not-wait-too-much girl. But you just broke into and turned it back on without saying a word and giving me no time to fight back in order not to fall in this already-lost game.

So now you got me here -I'm sorry, I got myself here- believing again in things I forbided myself to believe in, realizing of things I forced myself to ignore and, what is the most dangerous, beggining to have hope once again.

And, unfortunately, we fell in an endless circle that will not take us nowhere. But is taking me to my own endless circle where I resigne myself just to become desperate again.

So I think and think and think maybe in another life when we're cats.

I don't want another life, 'cause I really don't have one.

This is all I got.

Just one.

Just like this.

No refunds. No exchanges. No refills.

And we don't have another life.

And there's no much time left either.

And I don't want to regret the rest of my life.

And if God helps me

you will try to understand

and make me easier

to explain the unexplained

and not to expect the unexpected

when I have you in front of me

again

*Just because I've been told that it's important to let people know when they touch you deep inside...